Definition of Love.

Love is a funny thing.

You expect it to be easy. You expect it to be a world of roses and laughs and perfect moments that you find only in movies.

You expect him to always say the right thing, and always know exactly how you feel, or exactly how to react to it. You expect him to calm you down when you're yelling or to chase you when you run away.

You expect so much that you feel entirely, and utterly defeated when something doesn't exactly match up with all your plans. But that's the thing...

Love isn't a plan.

It doesn't have a certain beginning and it certainly has no end or visible finish line to those deeply in love.

Love happens; it is so incredibly messy.

People around you can't comprehend why you do the things you do, or why you fight so hard for something that seems to cause you so much pain, because simply, they can't see.

They can't see the invisible ring of insanity that surrounds you when you're in love. It's inconvenient and painful and devastating at times, but we can't live without it.

What you don't learn is how hard love is. How much work it takes. How much of ourselves we have to put into it. How it isn't worth it until we are complete and utter idiots about it.

Love isn't him calming you down when you yell. It's him yelling, just as loud, just as hard, right back at you, right in your face to wake you up and to keep you grounded. It isn't him bringing you roses everyday or cute things that make your relationship appear more presentable.

It's after a long fight, that drains the life and bones right out of you both, and yet him showing up at your door the next morning... anyway.

It's not him saying all the right things or knowing exactly how to handle you. So no, it's not him caressing your hair and telling you everything is going to be alright. It's him standing there, admitting he's just as scared as you are.

You have to remember that with love, you're not the only one involved.

You've unknowingly put your life, your heart into the palms of another persons hands and said, "Here. Do what you will. Mash it into a million pieces. Or forget I ever handed it to you. Just as long as you have it."

It makes us crazy. It makes reality invisible and it erases all the lines that we shouldn't cross. Because love isn't about fencing ourselves in; feeling safe, feeling sure about the future. It's about scaring the you know what out of every nerve in our body, but pushing forward anyway.

Because all the fighting and all the tears and all the uncertainty is worth it. And it's a heck of a lot better, than being 100% happy without someone to show us that there is a world of a difference between feeling 'happy' and feeling whole and home.

Say A Little Prayer.

Have I ever told you you’re loved? Because you most definitely are. I know this sounds so cliché, I really do. And I know sometimes you just want to curl up in a corner and cry for hours, and never come out, and never face all the world brings to you. But hear me out. Listen to what I’m say—well, writing: You have never been unloved.

You are so loved.
You are so loved.
YOU. ARE. SO. LOVED.

You’re so loved I can’t even begin to explain it!
Someone is ALWAYS looking down on you and smiling.
He is ALWAYS looking down and saying, “Hey you, let me repair your heart; let me heal your open wound. I love you for exactly who you were meant to be. I love you…for you.”

Gosh! Doesn’t that just make you grin ear to ear? I mean, no matter what I say, no matter what I do, no matter what mistakes I make, no matter what I wear to school, no matter what my favorite band is, no matter my bad habits, no matter what my secrets are, He loves me!

And I love you too.

I love love. Heck, I just love the word love! It’s just so flawless, so perfect. In fact, I’m pretty sure love is the only perfect thing in the world. (Which makes it even harder to find and recognize, by the way). But that’s what makes it even more exciting and even more worthwhile.

I know a bunch of people who’ve had a tough couple of…8 weeks? Including myself. I know that you feel like no one understands, I know that you feel like you have no friends, no one to trust, I know you feel like all of this falls directly on your shoulder.

But guess what. It doesn’t. You know that hope is hard; you know that having faith is shaky; you know that sometimes it’s just hard to love anything, anybody, or even yourself.

Just remember. You are always always always always ALWAYS times infinitely loved.
More than you can imagine. <3

Sometimes we fall down and can't get back up
We're hiding behind skin that's too tough
How come we don't say “I love you,” enough
Till it's too late, it's not too late

Our hearts are hungry for a food that won't come
We could make a feast from these crumbs
And we're all staring down the barrel of a gun
So if your life flashed before you
What would you wish you would've done

Gotta start
Lookin’ at the hand of the time we've been given here
This is all we got and we gotta start pickin it
Every second counts on a clock that's tickin'
Gotta live like we're dying

We only got
86,400 seconds in a day to
Turn it all around or throw it all away
We gotta tell 'em that we love 'em
While we got the chance to say
Gotta live like we're dying

And if your plane fell out of the skies
Who would you call with your last goodbyes
Should be so careful who we live out our lives
So when we long for absolution
There'll no one on the line

We never know a good thing till it's gone
You never see a crash until it's head on
All those people right when we're dead wrong
You never know a good thing till it's gone

We only got
86,400 seconds in a day to
Turn it all around or throw it all away
We gotta tell 'em that we love 'em
While we got the chance to say

Gotta live like we're dying.

So every day, just be the best person you can be. And love yourself for who you were meant to be. Don’t be afraid.

You’re never alone. You might feel like it, but you’re not. He is always here for you. And so am I.

I’ll always be here. I’ll be your cure.

This week, I had to write a paper for English class. (I’m a junior). It was a ‘Paper of Choice’ I guess you could say. Now I’m not the kind of student who’ll just write some nonsense down and shove it in the Teacher’s face. If I’m writing a 4 page paper, it’s gonna be mighty good.

So I thought and thought and thought. What the heck am I going to write about? I considered ever single humanly thing. I you know what I finally decided on?

Guess.

Go on, guess.

FEAR.

That’s what I wrote about. FEAR!

Fear is such a big thing.

It stops us every day! It traps us. It glues us down. It holds us back from following our dreams, trying new things, and adding more pages to our life’s journey.

Now, I try and love everything and everyone in the world. But fear. Fear’s a foe.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s okay to be scared and feel alone. But you can’t let it take over your life and prevent you from at least trying all these opportunities God and the world have in store for you.

Do me favor. All tomorrow, and all next week, and every day you can, depend on yourself. Love yourself. Cherish yourself. Realize how incredibly phenomenal you are. Be happy to be who you are.

Find happiness from within.

This is it.
Let go.
Breathe.

Be happy.

I don’t ever wanna see you sad.

Be happy.

If you can’t love yourself and realize how unbelievably special you are, how can you expect someone else to do that?

I know it’s hard, really hard.

It’s a lot easier to type these words down on my screen while watching “The Office” then “Community” than it is to actually wake up, hop out of my bed, look in the mirror, and chant it.

But guess what. I’ve never been unloved. I’m always loved.

Just like you.

You’re always loved.

Love love love.
You’re one of a kind. And you’re loved for that reason!

Not one person thinks the exact same things as you.

So share your thoughts with the world! I mean it.

The world needs to hear them.

…I need to hear them.

You can trust me with your secrets.

I don’t break promises.

I love promised, actually.

Promises are magical.

The show trust.

They show friendship.

They show love.

Promises change the world—just like you.

You determine your life and your world.

You can put a smile on someone’s face.

Or you can break someone’s heart and bring tears to their eyes every night.

Love yourself.

Love others.

Love everything.

Love everyone.

Even when it’s tough.

Just remember you’re always loved by Somebody.

He’s always looking down towards you, with nothing but pure love.

And wouldn’t you just feel soooo great making another person feel loved?

That’s what we were made for. To love!

You’ll be much happier. <3

Just try it, not for me though, for you. :)

Note To Self.

If you're reading these little things,
thanks so much. It really does mean the world
and make me feel special. More than you can imagine, actually.

I do write these to make other people think, smile, and love.
But believe it or not, I write them for myself too.
They remind me all sorts of things.
(You know, sometimes it's easier to write things than it is to actually do them).

So this weekend, I WILL write a new one.
Especially heart-felt and long.
Because these have been some tough weeks for a lot of people, including myself.

You are loved.
Don't forget it.
Ever ever ever.

You are soooo loved and so cherished! By so many!
I'll prove it to you someday, promise. :)

Maybe that someday will be sooner than you think! <3

Love you, whoever you are.
Thanks for all this.

Time for Algebra 2, yikes.

Maybe I'm just afraid.

This week, I had to return to the place were I have hardly any security, any happiness, any love.

I know I have to be there, but that’s hard for my heart to handle when it’s wants and needs to be somewhere else.

But I’ve been thinking lately, [I do that often don’t I?].

I was living in ignorant bliss,
‘Til I learned I could be more than this.
And you know, in a way I owe it all to you.

It’s true. I know who I can be because of you. I know all the changes I can make, all the influences I can inspire, all the smiles I can spread.

I thought losing your love was a blow I could never withstand.
Look how far I have come without anyone holding my hand.

I can’t deny it. There are some days where I’m so lonely and terrified without you. But I’ve done something things with you not by my side— I’ll keep those to myself for now.

I had to find my way.

You helped me find my way.
There's still so much to learn.
So many dreams to earn.
But, even if I crash and burn ten times a day.

I think I'm here to stay.

I'm gonna find my way.

Now, I’m not going to hide it. I would love for you to be here right next to me. To split a Dr. Pepper (diet of course), to help me with my Algebra II and AP Science homework, to whip a tear away, to share a simple laugh at something that isn’t even that funny.

I think about you constantly, whether it's with my mind or my heart. I can’t really help it anymore. It’s becoming second nature. But, that’s okay. You’re bringin’ a smile across my face.

I’m following my heart. I’ve been quiet for quite sometime. I’ve asked questions, and searched for answers. I’m learning to trust my heart.

I’m missing you more than I can image, and hey, I’ve already planned on missing you a great deal.

Wait! Don’t think I’m complaining. Because I’m certainly not. I know I’ve been lucky and fortunate. And I’m so thankful for it. Oh Goodness, I just found myself smiling again while reminiscing the memories.

I think I dream so we don’t have to be apart for so long. When you appear in my dreams you never leave my side.

Some days are harder than others, but, you know, missing you could turn from pain to pleasure, if I knew you were missing me too. Just saying.


But somehow. Missing you gets easier every day because even though it's one day further from the last time I saw you, it's one day closer to the next time I will.

Can miles truly separate you from friends? If you want to be with someone you love, aren't you already there? ;)

If I know what love is, it’s because of you.

I’d be there through thick and thin, the highs and the lows, the ups and the downs. Now that I think about I’ve already been doing that for quite sometime now. But, I don’t mind.

If you were to jump off a bridge. I wouldn’t follow. I’d be at the bottom to catch you when you would fall. Promise. World of Chances, remember?

You must train your intuition -- you must trust the tiny voice inside your head which tells you exactly what to say, what to decide. You’ve got a good head on your shoulders. You know I won’t let you down.

The best proof of love is trust. You can trust me. You can trust me.

We're never so vulnerable than when we trust someone - but, if we cannot trust, neither can we find true love or joy.

Isn't it ironic? We ignore who adore us, adore who ignore us, love who hurt us, and hurt who love us?

Each of us has an inner dream that we can unfold if we will just have the courage to admit what it is. And have the faith to trust our own admission.

The admitting is often the most difficult.

But I’ll admit eventually…

I don’t want to trust anyone. I don’t want to tell my secrets to anyone. I don’t wanna be betrayed. But there I go again, thinking that you will save me. That YOU will save ME, and that you will end up being my hero.

I would rather make a leap of faith than a jump to conclusion, though.

When you come to the edge of all, you know. You must believe in one of two things:

You will be given earth on which to stand

Or you will be given wings.

Are you going to stand from the side and turn your shoulder or simply just…fly with me?

World of Chances.

Once again, my heart was pushed to the side and all feelings of happiness, security, and love were left unnoticed and un-cared-for.

But I can’t dread on that, right? Because, “You know, sometimes it’s just out of your hands, but trust me. There’s someone looking down on you who cares so much about you.”

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Even though I may feel lonely 99% of the time, I always have Him in my life. And He will always love me.

I must realize that the worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself.

That’s one on my biggest fears, not being comfortable and not loving myself. I gotta work on that, don’t I? Because God made me the way I am because he wanted me that way. And He knew I had a World of Chances to give somebody.

Even though I tell that to myself here, it’s hard to believe.

My faith has lost it’s strength again.

But when the fight gets hard, I fight harder. When the mountain gets steep, I climb faster. I just have to. I have to Turn Right. I have to listen to my Black Keys.

I have to keep my hope. Hope is necessary in every single condition.

Hope is a waking dream. A dream that shouldn’t be shattered. Hope lifts you up, plants a smile on your face, lights your heart up and fills it with joy.

I can’t worry about the things I have no control of. Worry gives small things big shadows. Fear grows in darkness. So when you have a fear, turn on a light. God has the ultimate plan for us. He has a World of Chances for us.

Chance is the providence of all adventures.

The last time I wrote one of these I said I wanted and adventure with you. I still do.

I have a blazing heart in my soul, but no one ever comes to sit by it.

Am I reaching too high to ask for your love? I’m reaching so high. I haven’t quite got it yet, but hey. I haven’t got a handful of mud either.

I have four main loves in my life: God, my bestfriends, my family, and YOU.

It seems as if only two of them are 100% committed to my needs. (God and YOU).

I’m not saying I need much. I just need someone to spill my secrets to and who will listen to me when I need it. And believe it or not, I can do the same in return.

What is love? Love is when one person knows all of your secrets... your deepest, darkest, most dreadful secrets of which no one else in the world knows... and yet in the end, that one person does not think any less of you; even if the rest of the world does.

I have a World of Chances for you.

I know I was put on this earth to love and to be loved. I can say that as much as I want, but sometime it’s hard to soak in a truly believe, you know?

When I hear music, I fear no danger. I am invulnerable. I see no foe. I know who I am, I believe in myself.

I can't force someone to love me; all I can do is become someone who can be loved and the rest is up them.

I understand with love comes pain, but why did I have to love so much?
Because I was made for that reason. I’ve never been unloved. <3>

I always say meeting you was fate. Because that one day was absolute luck and random. I had talked about going to see you for so long and thing were falling apart, as was I…slowly.

Then, all the sudden, last minute. Litterally. It was going to work. I had to run to the seats. And I never run.

That’s where I discovered my happiness, security, and love.

You’ve got a face for a smile, you know.

Falling in love is awfully simple, but falling out of love is simply awful.

I don't love you for you looks, or your clothes, for your fancy car (even though I have a perfectly healthy obsession with it), or because of any other silly reason, but because you sing a song only I can hear. Only I am willing to understand and adore.

Who you are is everything I need. Who you are has got me on my knees.

Like I said, meeting you was fate. Treating you and viewing you as a friend was a choice, but loving you along the way. I had no control over.

Love knows no limit to its endurance, no end to its trust, no fading of its hope; it can outlast anything. Love still stands when all else has fallen.

I don’t love you because of who you are, I love you because of who I am when I am with you: Happy, secure, loved, smiley, warm, bubbly.

"Any man can love a million girls. But it takes a real man to love only one girl, a million ways.”

Maybe I’m just afraid?

Sure, I’m missing you because we’re far apart, but somehow, I feel all warm inside because you’re so close in my heart.

Let me be patient, let me be kind.
Tell him I need him.
Tell him I love him.
And it'll be alright, it’ll be alright.

But if I lack love, then I am nothing at all.
I can give away, everything I possess.
But I'm without love then I have no happiness.
I'll never be jealous.
And I won't be too proud.
Cause love is not boastful.
And love is not loud.

I’m really thankful you’re in my life. You really don’t know how grateful I am. <3

I’ve got a World of Chances for you. Really, I do. I promise.

I'm hoping.
I'm wating.
I'm praying you are the one.

No worries, though.

I'm here to stay. I promise you I'll wait. <3>

Trust me. I won’t let you down.

Black Keys.

Okay. I’m not one to judge or pick favorites, but. "Black Keys" might be the one song that will forever be the closest thing to my heart. For hours, days, weeks, I have sat and listened to every melody, every lyric, every note and tried to analyze what this song is exactly about.

The metaphor of the Black Keys alone is heartfelt, deep, and in no doubt genius. (Hey, I’m a sucker for English Literature).

I view this whole thing as a story—mainly the lyrics. What’s really going on in the writers heart, who they really are deep down underneath. Then the melody and the notes, most people see them as carrying the song, but I see the melody and notes as the secrets, the things that can’t be said with just words. And when you put the two together: that’s the magic.

She walks away,
Colors fade to gray,
Every precious moments now a waste.

At the beginning of the song, I see it as the end of the story. She can’t take it anymore. She starts running. Running from her fears, running from her emotions, running from anything that can hurt her again or anything that can tear her down.

She hits the gas,
Hoping it would pass,
The red light starts to flash it’s time to wait.

Even though she trying to run, she can’t. She realizes she has to wait and face it. It’s not going to pass or leave her. (Love is patient, you know.)

And the Black Keys,
Never looked so beautiful

And he realizes, she’s all he needs. All he’s ever wanted. She’s so unique, so different, and he’s never come across anyone life her. That’s why he loves her, she’s unlike anyone else. Her unusualness makes her beautiful.

And a perfect rainbow never seemed so dull
And the lights out,
Never had this bright a glow
And the Black Keys are showing
Me a world I never knew


She’s making him think. She’s showing him the real beauty in the world and the things that truly matter, such as: Friendship, Acceptance, Faith, Love.

She hates the sun,
Says it proves she’s not alone,
And the world doesn’t revolve around her soul.

She hates knowing other people are suffing just like her. And she knows that she shouldn't be the center of attention, there are much worse things in the world that need to be noticed than her.

She loves the sky, says it validates her pride,
Never lets her know when she is wrong.

The sky makes her feel beautiful; on the most beautiful of days, and during a rainy day. It officializes the pride she wants to have in herself. She wants to be beautiful even on an ugly day.

He's taking you back to why he loves her, why she’s so incredibly beauitful. She's so special and wonderful, but she can't see it. She’s afraid of who she really is, afraid to open her hurt, spill her secrets, love herself, trust anyone.

Don’t let ‘em get inside of your head,
Don’t let ‘em get inside of your head…

He’s going to show her, show her beauty, show her how wonderful it is to be different and stand out, and be appreciated for being the best person you can be.

And the Black Keys…

Towards the end of the song/story, I see him chasing after her. Reassuring her beauty, which only he sees at the time. Accepting and loving her flaws and imperfections. He sees her black and white, meaning not changing her, accepting her, loving her for who she is and who God made her to be.

It’s not who you are that holds you back, it’s who you think you’re not.

And if you think about it, God didn't have time to make a nobody, only a somebody. We’re all a somebody if we love ourselves…and have faith.

Faith is the light the guides you through the darkness and through your trying times.

Without faith and hope, there is no love. And you can’t have love without happiness.

Happiness is a grateful spirit, an optimistic attitude, and a heart full of love.

Over the last week, I’ve found where I’m truly happiest and where I can share most of my love.

That one single Friday night changed me. I didn’t faint, or scream bloody murder, or tackle anyone. I was just happy; I was just full of love and faith. My hope grew. I love sharing every single moment, memory, song, note, lyric, laugh, smile with my real best friends.

The joy they spread (not only to me), is incredible to watch. Between you and me, I love watching everyone else light up, sometimes more than them.

But I can’t deny how you’ve changed me. You’re my Black Keys. You’re nothing sort of my everything.

In my wildest dreams, you always play the hero.

In my darkest hour of night, you rescue me, you save my life.

You’re my Black Keys.
You’re my Black Keys.
You’re my Black Keys.

It's very easy to think about Love, to talk about Love, to wish for Love.
But it's not always easy to recognize Love, even when you hold it in our own hands. But I think I know love a little better now.

It doesn’t come from finding the perfect person; it comes from learning to see the imperfect person perfectly.

In dreams and especially in love, there are no impossibilities.

Love doesn't make the world go round, love is what makes the ride worthwhile. Won’t you share it with me?
Because my faiths growing, along with my hope. And where hope grows, miracles blossom.

Won’t you be my miracle, my hero, my love?

I hope your dreams take you to the corners of your smiles (which are beautiful by the way and need to see daylight a tad more) to the highest of your hopes, to the windows of your opportunities, and to the most special places your heart has ever known.

‘Cause I’m waiting for you. We can have quite an adventure together.

You're Never Fully Dressed Without A Smile.

So, it's been a while since I spilled my secrets and released my feelings, hasn't it? I have to admit, I do hope that people are reading this and are finding themselves taking a bit of my words with them. After all, "We all take different paths in life, but no matter where we go, we take a little of each other everywhere."

That's something I've realized lately. I'm taking a bit of everyone everywhere I go with me.

I've taken some from my friends here at home, and of course my loving family. I've also taken some from, believe it or not, my understanding, classy teachers.

I've taken a lot from a gal I have just recently met. Well, not recently, I guess. More like a year ago. She is, hands down, the most beautiful person I've come across in life. She is so accepting, encouraging, and kind. Her words never ever fail me. If only she could realize how beautiful (inside AND out) she is. Her courage and strenght is beyond inspiring. Every so often, I come across a little saying on her Facebook page: "I see a thousand possibilities in every smile of yours."

There have been days when I just stare at that and let it run over and over in my head. Today is one of those days.

What is a possiblity? And a thousand of them? That's awful high isn't it?

No. I've gotta believe I'm beautiful. I've gotta believe I was put on this earth for something. I just have to.

After all, God Loves Ugly.

But, what is Ugly? This song has made me think. I know, right? I've been doing a lot of that. But that can't be a bad thing.

Anyway. Ugly. What is it? After this song, to me, Ugly is beautiful. And beautiful is accepting and loving yourself.

Christa Black has also been one of the few who have held onto a spot in my heart. Her inspiring story, her lyrics, her beauty is unbelievable and indescribable. She's a rolemodel. Her "God Loves Ugly" song was something I needed to hear. I freed me from this flawful world where everything is viewed as flawless.

Flaws are beautiful.

I've also realized how fortunate, lucky, and thankful I am for the past 4 years. I'm so glad I've been able to grow up with those boys. And watching them climb the latter of success was another thing I needed. I know, I know, sounds cliche, but hey. They're my black keys. Along with you. You're my black keys. You're showing me this world and I'm taking a tad of you with me.

For the longest time, I've just asked for a friend. A true friend that I can count on and learn from. And spill my secrets to.

I do believe that God has sent me these people because He knows how much they would mean to me. He knew they would forever change me for the better. He was right. I may only be 16, but I need to surround myself with those kinds of people. And He knows that. That's why he sent them to me! And I'm sure more beautiful friends are on their way. <3

Back to that smile quote. I've gotta smile more. And laugh. My one smile (or giggle) could force a gorgeous smile (or chuckle) onto someone else. Not a bad trade, huh? You know, a smile confuses an approaching frown.

And if I don't walk into that Allstate Arena venue VIP soundcheck party on July 10th without a smile planted right on my face, who am I? A smile is the light in the window of your face that tells people you're at home. I wanna tell every single person in Chicago, "Hey. I'm home."

Now that I think about it, I've never seen a smiling face that was not beautiful.

You're beautiful. Believe it.